2015考研英语看图作文范例点评:道德滑坡

英语作文 2019-07-15 23:07:17 163

看图作文在英语作文中是大家普遍缺乏练习的一种类型,一个提高的方式就是看范例和点评,针对其中的错误进行自我修正。

道德滑坡:

写作原文

①Looking at this thought-provoking picture(加"which was",其中which引导定语从句,修饰picture;was和后面的depicted构成被动语态) symbolically depicted by the drawer, I do realize the urgency to improve the moral standards nowadays. ②A pregnant woman, an old man and his little granddaughter stands(“stands”改为“stand”,该句主语为复数,主谓应保持一致)on the crowded bus, looking at a young man who sits in the seat comfortably with a piece of black cloth covering his eyes, puzzled and indignant(“puzzled and indignant”是用来修饰the yong man, 或是作者“感到困惑和愤怒”,应表达清晰;若要表达作者的情感,可改为:...covering his eyes. I feel puzzled and indignant).①The temporary blind in the picture indicates a serious phenomenon in the modern society that some young people are suffering from moral decline. ②The reasons contributing to moral decline are worth pondering. ③First, respecting the old and caring the young is abandoned by some modern people, because they only care about their own benefits. ④Only if you could provide them with a great outcome(“a great outcome”改为“great outcomes”,和them保持一致), will they lend you a hand(“a hand”改为“hands”,和they保持一致) in exchange. ⑤In addition, the educational system is also to blame("be to blame for"意为“对……应负责任;应该为某事负责任”,如果要表述“教育体制也应对此负责”,可表达为:the educational system is also to blame for the phenomenon;如若要表述“教育体制也应受到责备”,可表达为the educational system should also to be blamed). ⑥It emphasizes more on high marks at the expense of having few time to teach traditional moral values in school which leads to people\'s defect ("defect"为可数名词,此处应改为"defects"和people保持一致)on this issue.①It is high time that we fostered our moral values. ②For one thing, schools and governments should play an active role ("an active role"应改为"active roles",前后主谓保持一致,主语为schools and governments)in advocating moral values and traditional virtues to teach the young. ③For another, individuals should learn more about virtues and help people around with a warm heart("a warm heart"改为"warm hearts",前后单复数保持一致). ④Only through our joint effort("effort"应改为"efforts",前后单复数保持一致), could we recollect the virtues.

原作点评

第一段描述图画的内容。第①句,picture应该是被drawer描绘的,所以应该用被动语态“be+动词的过去的、分词”来表示;第②句最后,表达不够清晰,应注意。第二段揭示图画的寓意,阐述产生此现象的几个原因。应注意单复数问题。第三段结合前两段的阐述,提出建议。

总体点评

文章亮点:文章结构完整,每个段落的功能基本得以体现。文章错误:①语法错误:文章出现了一些语法错误,比如被动语态、名词单复数形式等。②句法错误:有的句子表达不够清楚。比如第一段第②句,第二段第⑤句。修改意见:文章整体结构不错,但是要注意一些细节,避免不必要的错误。本文中,单复数一致问题较多,希望作者在完成习作时应多检查,尽量减少此类错误。

英语写作水平的提升需要不断地练习,在改正错误中不断取得进步,不怕犯错误,怕明知道犯错误却不面对。看了范文和点评,希望大家有思考,有提高。

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